Connection, Addiction, Worthiness, and Blur.

Congratulations on being alive everyone!

In all our life's experiences there is one underlying commonality that moves through everyone, whether we are at the beginning or end of our life. The undercurrent of life is connection. It is the vital fluid that keeps all relationships, regardless of their depth or duration, salient and purposeful. When we are able to experience connection in its positive expression it is joyful, rewarding, inclusive, nourishing and uplifting. When it is expressed in unhealthy ways it becomes obsession, violence, exclusion/isolation, abusive, and lacks dignity or respect. Both forms of connection are present in some way in everyone's lives, and it is our awareness of the necessity for positive connections that allows us to choose to engage in relationships that are meaningful and supportive and rest in the goodness and worthiness of our own being. 

In conversation I have heard myself and others say things that reflect a deeply held belief that in some way we are unworthy or not good enough to have positive and healthy relationships with others. This is a subtle form of self-deprecation and self-harm that can be tricky to identify in our behavior and leads us to making decisions that while appearing to fulfill our desires are ultimately in effect self-sabotage or at worse self-deception. Part of what makes relating to others challenging is the social context that creates the habit of believing that relationships need to fit into certain categories, or have certain characteristics. Every being we interact with is in a relationship with us, regardless of how they appear to look.

When we try to impose our ideas on reality we create a tremendous amount of suffering for ourselves and other people. One of the most intense and confusing ways we can disable ourselves is through addiction. This beautiful short video shows that there is old research showing addiction can be rooted in an unfulfilled need for connection rather than chemical dependency. Addiction, like depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts have been taboo in most cultures such that avoidance, judgement, ostracizing, and discarding people were the standard method of not meeting the issues. It is no wonder, then, that we find ourselves amidst a burgeoning movement of folks working toward opening the doors on family histories, cultural repression, and social transparency. There are no limits to theways we can start to heal ourselves from the burden of seeking connection in unhealthy ways, and the trauma that causes ourselves and each other.

To put us all on the right track, what if we made a pact with ourselves to cherish and invest in the relationships we do have?
What if we agreed that all people who we meet, regardless of the situation and how we perceive them, are delicate, sensitive, exquisitely intricate, and beautifully simple creates that occupy this life-giving planet that sustains us all equally? 
What if we made a commitment to our own dignity, and already complete worthiness, to choose those relationships that foster and blossom our own already present beauty, gentleness, strength, capability, and compassion?

Our lives are valuable and worth living because we are connected. Our worthiness and goodness is guaranteed by our birth and does not come as a result of our actions - it is always with us. Our "work" is to be clear with ourselves about all the ways we close ourselves off to the connections we already have, and do what we need to do in order to foster and invite those connections that firmly place us within the context of our life, whatever it looks like, in a healthy, wholesome, and genuine way. No one else can do this work for us, and we are not responsible for doing it for anyone else. We are here to support each other and together we are strong. The secret, like the name of this Blur song from 1998, is to be with the part of ourselves that is Tender.

"Come on get through it.
Love's the greatest thing that we have..."

Or you could live like this person:

May we remember that we live in a world full of people, just like us, doing their best to live as best as they can. May we stay warm and open to those connections that remind us how fabulous it is to be alive!

Om,

Aqeel

Compassion Over Judgement

One of the most valuable lessons I have learned from Sri Dharma is observing him love all beings unconditionally - without judgement. I strive to love in the same way. It isn't easy and it requires constant monitoring of the ego. It is also another way to practice being present. You notice your thoughts as they are forming; you choose silence over speaking; and you think before you act.

Recently I have been struggling with the judgement that seems to be overtaking yogis across the country. It ranges from judgement for being too into yoga to being not yogic enough. In the words of Salt 'N' Pepa(!), "Who are [we] to judge? There's only one true judge, and that's God, so chill, and let [our] Father do his job." Do I really believe there's a guy sitting up high somewhere judging us? No...but that's another topic entirely. But, you get the point. Who do we think we are?

To truly practice and promote peace, we can strive to see ourselves in others. Then how can we judge? We're all figuring ourselves out in our own way and in our own time. Let's create space for all to be who they are and love each other unconditionally. After all, "we're all just walking each other home." - Ram Dass

Noticing yourself judging? Here's what I try to do before it goes that far.
 

Step 1: I see myself in that person. It is especially helpful if I can find one point in common with them. For example, we are the same gender, we live in the same city, we have the same hair color...it isn't hard. You can find something in common with anyone. The most obvious is that they are also human...or, expanding further to all beings, they have a beating heart.

Step 2: Remind myself that he or she is doing their best. According to the laws of karma, we are all acting according to our conditions and, thus, everything is perfect exactly as it is.

Step 3: Mentally tell them I love them and create space for them to be exactly who they are.

Do I do this successfully day-in, day-out? No. Why? Because I'm not perfect. Of course not, I'm human. Even judging people who are judging is judgement. How's that for a riddle? But, even in these circumstances, I try to follow the steps above and work my way through it. If I do end up talking (or, in this case, writing) I try to choose my words very carefully - selecting word combinations that cause the least amount of harm possible. And every day I get a little bit better. Compassion is, as always, the answer. That's why AHIMSA is the root of all ethical practices in yoga.

The practice that serves me best --- when in doubt, is to keep my mouth shut. As Dharma says, "when you are silent, you see everything with love.

I hope you each has a lovely holiday season. I encourage you to be easy with yourself during these busy times. And eat more veggies. We can always benefit from eating more veggies.

Love,

Brittanie

Gradualness

“A new moon teaches gradualness and deliberation, and how one gives birth to oneself slowly. Patience with small details makes perfect a large work, like the universe. What nine months of attention does for an embryo forty early mornings alone will do for your gradually growing wholeness.”

— Rumi

Could Rumi have imagined how nutritive such words would be halfway around the world, nearly a millennium away? (Probably, yes, he could.) These words, these concepts, this invitation runs deep and true. Right to the essential center of our silky souls, where not even the 24-hour news cycle, the never-ending to-do list, the iPhone, the fitbit, the juice cleanse, or the craziest of New Year’s resolution could touch it.

All cliches about starting a yoga studio blog post with a Rumi quote aside, I am here to extend my own invitation to at least stop and consider -- for however many moments you can spare -- this word: “gradualness.” I won’t waste the roughly eight seconds of attention I may have from you on the litany of ways in which we are currently accustomed to instant gratification, fast results, answers, and information.

Because I feel you.

It was about 8 months into my “new life” -- my transition from a corporate attorney in “big law” to a yoga teacher, writer, human, something… in what I called my “big life, big love.” I was on a retreat with one of my dear teachers, high in the mountains of New Mexico, sitting on the expansive, open porch, looking out on the even more expansive, open horizon beyond, lamenting about how I hadn’t “figured things out by now.”

My teacher told me -- the former overachiever who was still letting the A++++ tendencies seep out of her body -- “be patient.” Rumi’s patience was never one of my natural or apparent virtues. But here I am today, nearly two years after leaving the “big” job. I haven’t yet written the novel (or trashy lawyer romance, I can’t yet decide), or maintained a regular blogging “career,” or opened my own studio, or amassed a million Instagram followers (or dollars, for that matter). But today, reading and understanding words like “how one gives birth to oneself slowly” gives me more satisfaction than checking the box, getting the degree, or landing the job ever did.

I’m all for starting the new year intentionally. Hell, make as many resolutions as you’d like. But I’m in it for the slow unfold of this story.

---

Catherine teaches in the prana vinyasa style of yoga, shaping her yoga offerings like her writing, like her life ~ slow, gentle, gradual, and restorative.

You can find her at Flow Yoga Center for Gentle Flow on Wednesdays at 12:30pm, Yin Restorative on Thursdays at 5:15pm, Vinyasa Flow 1.5 on Fridays at 4:15pm, Gentle Flow on Saturdays at 10:45am, leading Yoga Fundamentals series on Saturdays at 12:30pm and at seasonal workshops & trainings.

Catherine also leads Flow’s corporate & private wellness programs and would love to help you bring wellness into your workplace & home. You can also join her on the road at workshops all over the globe or find her writing online at samandcatherine.com and tribequarterly.com.